Life has crawled to a stop, pretty much. Another flirt with disaster knocked me back. "Do whatever you feel comfortable" was apparently not what the doctor meant. Disaster..
I should be up and back to normal within a few days, if not less. One more doctor appointment tomorrow late morning, and I won't see the cardiologist again until March. I'm going to be asking tomorrow just what exactly I am supposed to / allowed to do to gain strength, because sitting on my bum at the house isn't fixing anything but silently energizing that monkey I mentioned before.
Horses are good.
Dogs good. Cats? good.
Me? Not so much. The depression of seeing life whizzing by me at a racey blur, knowing I can't even reach out to grab hold of it, risk falling on my face, is catching me 100% and tying me down to my front door. I'm finding the only way to get by is to sneak around doing things, only to get scolded for them. My reasoning? If I do nothing, I don't get stronger. I have to do something, or it's not going to improve. Sitting watching movies and the junk of the TV doesn't increase any strength, except perhaps my eyes.
So I'm lingering. I've almost completely quit reading, because jealous takes a raging hold of my eyes, and I'm near in tears. Folks that have barns don't have to feed daily like I do, and seeing what I can't have, well, leaves me feeling pretty worthless...
Is time I go for now. I've got actual work-work to do, and despite my best efforts, it's piling up around me as well.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
1/13/10 Doctor Update
Progress report! Thanks to all who have been thinking about me, and praying for recovery.
First, the good news! The loose, leaky, flapping valve in my heart they found the day of the accident, is healing. It sounded better today. We've adjusted some medication, and I am starting to get some energy back. I walked around the grocery store a little today, and with some general direction, instead of ambling aimlessly. My chest got a little tight, and a little short of breath.. but the dr isn't sure if this is general muscle healing, or my heart still healing.. So!
The bad news... I am scheduled to sit on my toosh for another week, and have a treadmill stress test next Friday. If I pass, I can go back to work, and start back into my normal routine. I am to stay on the heart medicine for 8 more weeks!!!!!
Have you ever caged a monkey? Yeah, you know, the zoo monkeys. The hang from the ceiling, from the walls, from everything?! That is what I feel like. I am used to longing, riding... heck, I'd settle for grooming right now.. Then, moments occur like this morning.. I reach down to put a cookie in the dog crate, and get dizzy standing back up right. Or, I get up out of the recliner, and get dizzy half way to the kitchen. It's NVTS! I don't do sitting still well, at all. Even more entertaining, I can't multitask on the meds. It's humorous, almost. I can't wash dishes, and talk on the phone at the same time without fumbling one or the other.
So keep on thinking, keep on praying. I am reading some of ya'lls updates, riding vicariously through you. So nuzzle noses, brush a little extra for me, and ride another lap around the arena at any gait you please, and think of me.
Romeo? Harley? They're being pretty good, hanging out, behaving. Jen came over before it got awful cold, and put Harley's slinky Batman mask on for me. She said he behaved very well. I'm about ready to take it off today, if the cold nights are gone. He's been great, keeping it on, and not scratching or ripping it. Good BoY! He's started choosing to walk with me in the pasture a little, always facing up with two eyes to me. Fantastic!
First, the good news! The loose, leaky, flapping valve in my heart they found the day of the accident, is healing. It sounded better today. We've adjusted some medication, and I am starting to get some energy back. I walked around the grocery store a little today, and with some general direction, instead of ambling aimlessly. My chest got a little tight, and a little short of breath.. but the dr isn't sure if this is general muscle healing, or my heart still healing.. So!
The bad news... I am scheduled to sit on my toosh for another week, and have a treadmill stress test next Friday. If I pass, I can go back to work, and start back into my normal routine. I am to stay on the heart medicine for 8 more weeks!!!!!
Have you ever caged a monkey? Yeah, you know, the zoo monkeys. The hang from the ceiling, from the walls, from everything?! That is what I feel like. I am used to longing, riding... heck, I'd settle for grooming right now.. Then, moments occur like this morning.. I reach down to put a cookie in the dog crate, and get dizzy standing back up right. Or, I get up out of the recliner, and get dizzy half way to the kitchen. It's NVTS! I don't do sitting still well, at all. Even more entertaining, I can't multitask on the meds. It's humorous, almost. I can't wash dishes, and talk on the phone at the same time without fumbling one or the other.
So keep on thinking, keep on praying. I am reading some of ya'lls updates, riding vicariously through you. So nuzzle noses, brush a little extra for me, and ride another lap around the arena at any gait you please, and think of me.
Romeo? Harley? They're being pretty good, hanging out, behaving. Jen came over before it got awful cold, and put Harley's slinky Batman mask on for me. She said he behaved very well. I'm about ready to take it off today, if the cold nights are gone. He's been great, keeping it on, and not scratching or ripping it. Good BoY! He's started choosing to walk with me in the pasture a little, always facing up with two eyes to me. Fantastic!
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Helluva Way To Start 2011...
I hope everyone's New Year celebrations were rockin. Mine, not so much. MrsMom gave you a brief notice, so let me also mention what happened.
Romeo and I were in his pasture, goofing around. He was cutting me, and I was cutting him. He had playful body language, and for a bit, was free longing around me at a jog. Suddenly, for whatever reason, Mo turned around, planted his front end, and kicked back at me. His entire rear hoof slammed into my chest.
I turned towards the house, took about three steps, and got out a "Help!" to R on the porch. I sat down, and passed out. I woke up to him calling my name, asking me if I wanted an ambulance, or him to take me. I tried to sit up, and couldn't. So I chose the former.
It was a terrifying 30 minutes waiting, being tied to the board, loaded, and taken to town. I hurt, and the more upset I got, the harder it was to breathe. When we arrived in the ER, they asked a dozen more questions, and I got even more frustrated waiting.
Finally, some doctors arrived. They ran blood work, an EKG, a CT scan. EKG and blood work showed my heart had been damaged. CT showed no organ damage otherwise, and no broken or cracked bones. I was admitted for observation.
Friday, there was more blood work, and another EKG. The doctors came by, and said all indications were my heart was badly bruised. The heart monitor attached to me blipped badly when I tried reading the newspaper laying back. More drugs, more time.
Yesterday, a different cardiologist described the injury as a mini heart attack. The heart monitor still shows irregular beats, and the blood work isn't yet clean. I am scheduled to hopefully go home tomorrow, and rest at home the rest of the week.
It hurts. I know what happened, and I have a plan to reinstill some respect with Mo. More, I am thankful. Think about it... a little higher, it'd been my head. A little lower, my tummy. To one side or the other, limbs. I am lucky and blessed. He could've done more damage.
Remember they are huge, and strong, no matter how cuddly they may seem. As for me, pray for healing, and patience. I am having to learn to be still, and I stink at that.
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