Hosanna! 2000 - An Easter Memory - Final

Hi folks.. This will be the last installment of the Hosanna! 2000 series... I hope you've enjoyed, and have been blessed through this Easter season by my memories and how the play changed my heart.

A few days before Easter Sunday, I gave my girlfriend Jenifer a small basket filled with goodies. Candy, a card, and a copy of my Hosanna! rehearsal cd. Nothing spectacular, but a small gesture of friendship.

Thursday before that Sunday was our last day of classes. She and I met in our regular spot for coffee & a study break, and as we parted company, she handed me a CD. "What's this?", I asked. "One of my favorites lately. I got you a copy. I hope you enjoy." On my way off campus, on my way to the church to photocopy early service chorus sheets & practice, I tore open the wrapper, "Third Day"...

The first few songs were cool, but nothing spectacular. I pulled into the parking lot of the church, did my thing, rehearsed all on my own, got a little teary-eyed during a few of the choruses I'd picked, and realized this Easter was going to be AWESOME!

On the way back out, this song popped up...I didn't have the lyric book open, so I didn't know what was coming.
I am a thief, I am a murder
Walking up this lonely hill
What have I done? I don't remember
No one knows just how I feel
and I know that my time is coming soon.
Right here, I was sitting, thinking, "yeah, I'm not that bad, but I sure can relate... he must be speaking metaphorically.. Yeah that's it"
It's been so long. Oh, such a long time
Since I've lived with peace and rest
Now I am here, my destination and I guess things work for the best
and I know that my time is coming soon
Oh I know that's right - I've got this coming for a mile... I haven't had peace, I've been up to my eyeballs with practice, school, work. I've thought too much of myself a few too many times. Yeah, that's about right.
Who is this man? This man beside me
They call the King of the Jews
They don't believe that He's the Messiah
But, somehow I know it's true.
Um, Yeah, He's pretty awesome. I know that. He must be referring to some Sunday service he went to and realized what the truth really is.. yeah, that's it.
And they laugh at Him in mockery,and beat Him till he bleeds
They nail Him to the rugged cross,
and raise Him, they raise Him up next to me

Later, another day, I "heard" the rest of the song. But, at that moment, I pulled my car over into a parking lot, and my entire life flooded my mind. Every minute, from my first memory, to that moment. All the junk, all the garbage, all the stupid things I'd done. All of it. I didn't see where that song was going until right at that moment. "up next to me".... Wow... Guess I deserve it, too. I'm not a murderer, no... but I sure am a sinful mess. Chara was a sinful mess, accusing Peter right to his face, chanting "Crucify" at the top of my voice, looking at "Jesus" for even the brief moment hoping for His execution.

I sat in the car a while, turned the engine off, in what was the most intimate moment of reflective prayer. I admitted I wasn't worth any of it. I didn't deserve heaven, I didn't deserve my life. I wasn't worthy of anything He had to offer, but I will gladly accept.

March 29th, I heard the song again, live. I felt the same way, all over again. The situation was different, I sure wasn't alone, but I heard the same message. The difference this time? I knew the end, and I knew it ended good. Okay, honestly, that song ends better than good, that song ends perfectly.
And I know...Paradise...
Paradise... is coming soon

Hosanna! 2000 - An Easter Memory Part VI

Like Peter, I'll never be the same again. Every Easter song leaves me still and reflective. I find myself standing in my memories, walking across the auditorium, whispering to my garden-friends, "That's him! I know it's him! I can tell by his voice! I've seen him with Jesus! I know it's him! Let's go see if he knows where they've taken Him!"

The Easter Sunday right after our tenth and final performance, I stood in our little country church choir and sang my little parts. I had declined solo offers that season in church, mostly because it was all I could do to keep a strong voice in Hosanna!, work my off-campus job, keep my grades up, and keep two different services' music picked & led. But when we sang our happy Easter hymns, I was probably the happiest person in the sanctuary!!! Nobody smiled as big as I did that morning when Pastor Gary said, "He is Risen!" Our whole assembly answered in unison (my voice perhaps the loudest in the room), "He is Risen, Indeed!"
Through Hosanna! and my part, I realized what it was to be a Jewish maiden in Jesus' time. I know now how easy it would've been to deny and call for His death. I get frustrated when I hear pastors and study groups accuse the Jews of being "so hard headed", or say things like, "How couldn't they know?! Of course He was the one! Of course He was there to save them all!" Really? What makes you think that, if Jesus came back, right now, today, to your local church on Sunday morning, you'd have the slightest idea it was really Him? Would you believe? Or would you be just like they were, whispering under your breath, and challenging Him, looking for some way it wouldn't be real? Isn't it easier to NOT believe than to believe?

My hope is, that through this series of memories, somebody will read these accounts, and think about Easter a little differently this year, and in the future.

Hosanna! 2000 - An Easter Memory Part V

The play was on. We were full-swing in performances, all ten of them, and I had a routine.

In the pre-show activities, while everyone was bustling around getting ready, I sat by myself, near the main cast of "Blues" and "Reds", but not with Jesus, the Marys & the three. I usually sat with my Bible, reading the gospel recollections over and over and over and over. I was determined to really live my part in the auditorium. There was no way anybody could mistake me for a "Blue", and I was going to be sure of it.

Every performance, it got a little easier. I became less believing, and more convinced that Man wasn't my Messiah. The resurrection scene became more and more surreal, angels with raising wings, the white lights beaming on the stage. I was able to associate better with the scribe's loud accusation in the crucifixion scene,

"Oh yeah. You're supposed to save the world! If You really are the Messiah, come on down and save Yourself!" (not scripted, but added that season)

Perhaps my favorite character was the soldier after Jesus was dead. The storms came, and this one young soldier cowered by the cross. When the thunder ceased, it always was that as Jesus dropped His head in defeated death, the crown of thorns would fall off. That young soldier was the last to stand up. Facing the cross looking up at Him, he'd pick up that crown, look at it, look back at Jesus, and walk away looking like he'd lost his best chance into heaven. He wasn't faking, he wasn't pretending - he was reacting how I did in the background.

Looking back, I have wrestled for years with what it all meant to me. I see myself in Peter - It's easier to say you believe, and deny when put "on the spot". I see myself in Sam & the soldiers - It's a whole lot easier to agree with the crowds and crucify my faith just because public opinion says so. Still, I see myself in the angels - silently watching in the distance all through the events. Watching Him, watching the followers, watching the crowds.

Hosanna! 2000 - An Easter Memory Part IV

In the background of my life during this time, I was facing upcoming graduation, and applying for graduate school. My advisors were proud of me, and my grades were great. One rehearsal, I ran to practice, giggled all over the cast room, and ran up to Peter.
"Guess what! Guess what! My prayers were answered!"
"What?", he asked me
"I got into grad school! Full scholarship plus assistance stipend! I'm going to grad school!"
Peter sighed. "I don't think I can have this role again in the play without you. We always put each other back together after it's over. I'm going to have to go back to being a soldier. It'll be too hard without you."
I wanted to cry... big Strong Fisherman Peter... I never knew he had been a soldier. Furthermore, I never knew I had that kind of an impact.
At last show, Peter handed me an Easter card with a Jesus-Fish pin in it. I still have it, and still feel his impact every time I put it on. I save it for special occasions, especially when I'm singing something I'm worried about. It's my reminder that my voice does change things and people.
Best and probably most important part of Hosanna!, was what it did to me and the Easter season. (more to come in another week as we're nearing the Easter Season)

Hosanna! 2000 - An Easter Memory Part III

I was settling into my role, and into my place in the main cast. So for a few weeks, I hung out in the choir room, learning their parts. They represented "the crowd", always changing with the mood, looking for a miracle, but never for a Saviour. I praised Hosanna! with them as He entered the courtyard, I sang "Crucify Him! We have no king but Caesar!" at the top of my lungs before Pilate. My part in the group, however, faded out after the crucifixion scene. I wasn't allowed to rejoice in His coming. During rehearsals, I sang under my breath, and, in the performances, I hid in the back of the room, singing softly standing behind a few choir members who "hid me".

The Soldiers' group tried "adopting me", I think to make my part more bearable. One guy, Sam, was one of the soldiers that pushed Jesus down the aisle by me in the crucifixion scene. Sam was a pretty cool guy, and, for whatever reason, just looked like a Roman soldier. He always gave me this impression that he was "one big bad dude that wasn't going to EVER worship that Jesus-nut."

When we set places for that scene, Director John hollered "Chara, get over there, but stand on your own. Everyone will recognize you by now as a Jew. You can't give in when they walk by. Be strong, and give them the same heck you tried giving Peter in scene rehearsal. THIS is where I need you to be aggressive & strong." A few others warned me, "Jennifer, whatever you do, in performance, DO NOT look at Jesus' face. Just don't do it. If your faith is anything true to you, don't look. It's impossible to see His face and still act like you don't believe."

Sam and I got in a routine. A few of the other soldiers would gently "push" me out of the way as they forced Jesus from the back to the stage. Sam never pushed, he never made contact, but his words were something else. They weren't scripted, either. Sam pushed Jesus on by, and always said to me,
"Well, what do you think of your King now?!"

I tried so hard. I was pretty good in rehearsals. I really was. But it was absolutely impossible in performance. The cast crew was right - don't look. I couldn't help it. I saw that face, Jesus dragging the cross top beam down the aisle. He was always near His knees as He went by me, looking up. I always looked at Him, and shortly after He went by, I would look at someone in the audience, and honestly say, "I didn't mean for Him to die. I really didn't. I wanted Him gone, and wanted Him to quit pretending to save me, but I didn't mean for Him to die. Maybe He's just a prophet, but He doesn't need to die."

Unfortunately, that wasn't ever how it worked out. The storm came, the thunder shook the room, and I, along with the rest of the crowd, ran from the room screaming. I was intentionally one of the last "Greens" to leave the room, again, representing a strong-willed Jewish non-believer. I was supposed to "make sure it was all real."

Hosanna! 2000 - An Easter Memory Part II

We had one evening scene rehearsal. By now, I knew most of the cast, at least by their play-names. We all in the "main cast" had name tags, arranged by name & color. The "Blues" were true believers, like the disciples. The "Reds" were "on the fence", not sure if they wanted to believe or not, waivering at each scene. The "Greens", like me, were never supposed to believe. "Crucify HIM!", we shouted across the room, and after the storm scene, we were never to be seen again.

We rehearsed in a room smaller than any other one we'd been in. It was more to work out the reactions & emotions, rather than the distance to each part of the song. I was the third maiden in the garden to challenge Peter's loyalty to Jesus.
Surely you are one of them!
Your voice gives you away!
Are you trying to say that all of us are wrong?
I tell you I don't know the Man
Now GO! And leave me alone!

Peter was a big guy. It's really that simple. He looked the part of a real fisherman. He could "carry his own" if he needed to. When he confronted back to me (the second color of purple there), it scared me! He really had the part solid. I always tried to be tough, and not let on I was terrified.

John looked at me after our first run-through. "Didn't that frighten you?"
"Of course! He was hollering! Darn right I was scared!"
"Then SHOW IT! It's okay to be intimidated, even in character. BE YOUR PART! Yes, you're challenging him! Yes, you're the last one to "let him have it." Yes, you're a bold little Jewish girl! But when he yells, be afraid! Back up, don't hide the reaction!"
We ran the scene again. Peter came right up to me, and I could feel his breath as he sang. Every other run after that, including all ten performances, we were real, but we were connected. He was always looking for forgiveness, and I was always looking for the end.

I never forgot that. Neither did "Peter". Of course, a few Sunday afternoons later, he pulled me aside, and said, "I never want to scare you. I never want to hurt you. This is the hardest part I've ever played in this thing. It's easier to be a Roman soldier - Every time I'm in that scene, I know it mirrors my life. I let Him down every day in so many things I do. It's easy to tell you "I have nothing to do with Jesus", because I live it so much. But the tears right after the rooster, those are real, too."

I saw Peter a few times after the play group was over. We hugged, we talked, but it was never "right". I was always the Jewish girl with the courage to stand up to him, and he was always Peter, denying Jesus, and feeling terribly sorry for it.

My character was starting to shape me. I felt myself looking at my faith from the outside. The Gospel story became easier to understand from the Jewish perspective. This "Jesus" wasn't the first, and I was sure He wouldn't be the last. Many moms named their kids "Jesus", hoping the child was Him. There were plenty of "healers" walking the streets, claiming to save the world. Why was this Fellow any different? Yet, He had such a crowd with Him. Maybe this was it... Maybe this was the Real Deal?

At the first moment I met Jesus (Rich), it felt heavenly, and real. He never really talked to me, but because of our "name colors", he couldn't. To get us in our parts and to really have us become who we needed to be, we weren't allowed to even say "hi" during rehearsal.

I'll never, ever, ever, forget those eyes. He wasn't my Saviour, and was still only a human actor, but Rich always looked in my direction with a face that said, "I'm doing this for you, too. Just wait, you'll see. Even with your "name color", I'm doing this for you."

Hosanna! 2000 - An Easter Memory

I was going to recapture my Easter Passion Play memories in one post, but I think I'll stretch it out a few weeks, and a little at a time, explain why Easter is my favorite time of year, and every year since the play, my faith is renewed by the memories. Just typing and re-reading, I'm welling up. Who would've thought that one semester, one Easter season, and I can't even think about the true holiday and not be overwhelmed with gratitude...

I saw the call for auditions on a college bulletin board. Never had the courage before to audition, not to mention for a big play like this. I figured I didn't stand a chance, but it was worth the effort. Wouldn't cost me more than a little gas and a few hours of rehearsal. And I was in college, giving speeches & teaching labs - I can audition in front of a few adults, good grief! So I rehearsed for weeks. I spent hours mastering two songs, determined I'd give it my best. When I showed up at the audition building, I almost chickened out, and figured I could tell my family, "I didn't make the cut". But, God pushed me in the door.

I smiled at the older woman at the front door. "Are you here to audition, sweetheart? Are you Jennifer?"
"Yes ma'am. I'm awful nervous. Can we just get this over with?"
"Of course, dear. Just sit here one minute. I'll let John know you're here."

I stood up, shook hands, and was placed in a room, alone. John explained, "This is so we can record your audition, in case we need to review it later. It also measures how well you can sing to a camera." o O (Camera, I thought.. this thing is LIVE?! What do we need a camera for?! I'm a chemist, not an actress!) O o

I sang my heart out. I gave it my best, thanked them for their time. John explained that, "First practice is February ___. Please plan to be a few minutes early."

When I arrived that Sunday, it seemed everyone had someone to talk to, but me. I was in a roomful of friends, but I wasn't one of them. I had no idea what I was getting into. I sat in the first rehearsal, was handed a three ring binder full of paperwork, told rehearsals were every Sunday from 2-5, no questions asked, and if you reguarly can't attend, quit now. This thing is serious, and we won't tolerate screaming kids, misbehaving teenagers, or noncommitted adults.

When I looked at the final board on my way out the door, I saw it. "Jennifer - Chara - Peter's Denial." I asked someone near me, "What does that mean?"
"That's your name? Well, then, dear, that's your part! Congratulations! They never called and told you? My goodness! Well, then, let's go get you a CD so you can practice! I think that's the third solo. Way to go!"

I beamed the whole way home. Did I realize what I was getting into? This was a busy semester already, and I was occupied with church Easter program, leading two distinct worship services at my home church, two jobs on campus, one job off campus, preparing for the rest of my life after college, and a semester jammed full of hard courses. But God had something in store for me, I just didn't know what it was...