The Rest of Life Interfering

Wow, this whole keeping up with my rides thing, you'd think I'd be better at it. I mean, honestly. Since the last BRM ride, I've been riding every other day. Why can't I keep up with this? Well, a few reasons.

#1 My job has become consuming. That's a nice way to say - nobody leaves me alone long enough to even type up a Word .doc and copy/paste.
#2 Other things at work have been miserable. I haven't felt particularly good at my job lately.
#3 The rest of my life, well, haven't felt real good at that lately, either.

Simply put, I think I've been battling some kind of depression. I find too often, I'm sitting at home, thinking, "This is it?!" I worked soo hard in school all six years, earned that extra degree, at the expense of social interactions & friendships. All I focused on was that good grade, on one more test, or one more lab gone right. One more paper written well, and one more event skipped to write it well. I spent two years in South Carolina that, frankly, I'd rather forget and skip in my memory.

Now, I'm here in South Texas. My job still pays well, I'm making a few friends, R is there quite often, and is involved in all my insanity I call normal. I am riding my butt off - let's face that right now. I am riding less often, but when my tail is in a saddle, it's w-o-r-k. (And as ya'll shall see in video to come soon and judge's remarks, it's paying off.) Socially, I'm making lasting friendships, and reconnecting with old friends that I had no idea cherished me like they do now. My family and I, well, don't speak much anymore, for a lot of reasons. That's probably a large part of my problems. They blamed me for a lot as a kid, and probably still blame me now. Things I didn't do and things I didn't cause. I've been saying for 30-something years now, "Just ignore it". It's not working as well as it used to. As if all that just isn't enough, well, my church life is a mess. I've gone through all the things the leadership has asked me to do, "Jumped the hoops, done the dance", and I feel like I'm jumping up & down in the corner screaming, "Pick me! Pick me! I'll do it! Pick me!", only to see someone else get the stuff I want. I don't think I'm getting a Godly "slap in the face & lecture to be patient." I think God's saying, "in My good time, kiddo. Sit tight." So I'm trying. Ain't real good at it, but I'm trying.

So forgive my irregular posting. Be patient as I figure out how to get outta the funk that often consumes me, and leaves me reading other blogs, other Facebook posts, and watching other riding videos, grasping for a little hope to hang on to.

now, back to the riding, which was the whole cause of this silly website in the first place.