Ed & The Perfect Water

Perched in my lawn chair at the concert grounds, R wandered off in search of a drink for both of us. He walks back up to me, quite "matter of factly", and hands me a bottle of water. He says, "I just got a dog & pony show from this water salesman. He tried feeding me a line of bull, and I know I wasn't up for the challenge. You're going to have to go talk to him later."

So I thought to myself, "oooh.. a chance to be a chemist on vacation. I get to torture someone on a technical level.. away from home where they'll never remember me.. ooooh.... ahhhhh."

After the fabulous Shannon Curfman and a break under the tent (that almost resulted in a NAP), R and I wandered the vendor tents, and found Ed the water salesman.

The bottle says "enriched pH". Okay, guys & gals. There is no such thing. Water is either acidic, basic, or neutral. If it is truly just water, it should be slightly basic, but close to neutral pH. That means pH 7.6 - pH 7.8.

I simply asked Ed "What is enriched pH? That's impossible!"

Ed replied, "Well, this is special water, that has undergone 13 stages of filtration, and was initially discovered in Korea in natural sources. Scientists discovered that these natural sources contain extra oxygen, because the water is bonded in a specific manner to other waters, creating an abundance of oxygen in this water. So they went back to the lab, and as a result, have created this perfect water. You know why you drink 8 glasses of water a day? Because it's not perfect water, and your body only absorbs 13% of the water in those glasses of tap water. With our Perfect Water, you drink one bottle, and absorb all of the water into your body. The pH of our water is the exact pH of your body, making it perfectly absorbable." Ed and I bantered back & forth a while, and you'll see his remarks and my responses below (color coded for easy translation).

Okay... Gang. There's more of this "technical sales pitch" HERE. Click the link for a laugh.
Let me Be A Chemist for a minute or four, and explain a few things from Ed's sales pitch that are either BS or hockey pucks silly....

Korean water source? Humorously offered up by my friend P from the LA Vacation: "That's easy - there's extra Oxygen in the Korean water ... sure! There's dioxin in the water too... I wouldn't recommend drinking it."

Enriched pH? Ed said it's 7.6 to 7.8. That matches up with the human body well enough. But their website says pH 9-10, highly alkaline. Nitwits! And to think I already drank one bottle.

13 Layers of Filtration - Fine enough. That probably just means it's terribly nasty river water to start, and it needs that many without clogging filters early in the process

Extra Oxygen? In the water? Doesn't that mean it's less like water, and more like Peroxide? I wouldn't drink that crap! Bubble Bubble Puke!

It absorbs better into my body? Crap! That means, essentially, more water retention. Alright, ladies, who wants to have more water weight gain?! Not I!

Ed at one point looked at R, and said, "Is she your wife?" ("no"), "Girlfriend?" ("yes") "Well then sir let me shake your hand. Wow, you've got big hands. You probably have to have big hands to keep ahold of her. She sure is a handful." =)

Ed gave me a second bottle of Perfect Water. He asked that I drink the Perfect Water one afternoon, after a day of "hard work". "Mow the lawn, do gardening outside. Work up a good sweat, and work until you're really tired. Then drink the water. If after, you don't feel a thousand times better, refreshed and revitalized more than an average glass of water, give me a call. If you feel better, and great, and think this water is really what we say it is, call & tell me that, too."

So, who wants to drink the Perfect Water? They're selling it everywhere!

My recommendation? Take your purified tap water, put it in a glass container (clean one, please), and set it in the refridgerator for about 24 hours. If the container has a screw-on lid, set it on but not tight all the way, just screwed on a bit. This will remove chlorine residue (not already killing bacteria), and any other odor or taste residue from the disinfection process. If you don't trust your water from the tap (due to funny smell, or well water), call up your local water treatment facility. They're required by law to either test the water on-call for you with results provided, or send a report of a recent testing result near your home. How do I know?

Well, poor Ed, I used to work for a water treatment facility in PA. Worked in the lab, doing the routine bacteria testing. Poor Poor Ed.